The Softening…

IMG_2429

Soften. He said to soften your heart.

That felt so right to me, that that was what I needed to hear, and to do. To let spirit in. To let love in. To let light in. To feel, again.

I realized after so many years, that I had built up bricks around my heart. Not just a brick wall, but a barracade. Not to let anyone or anything touch me, hurt me, make me feel. But yet it didn’t quite make sense to me. I do feel, but maybe not enough, or not much of the right stuff.

When I dance I feel, but now it seems not enough. I had overfelt.  Can there be such a thing? Well, apparently, for me, that was what I did, and I had/have given it all away. And forgot to save any for myself!

For years, I have always taught my students to dance forward from the heart, to move with intention, to feel it inside so it can come out. But somewhere on my journey, my much-needed protection turned into a personal barracade.

You go through loss, heartbreak, discouragement, change, and sometimes that heart starts to shut down. It just can’t take any more.

But you keep living, and living well. Enjoying many gifts of life. Doing work you love. Giving back. Creating. Yet it doesn’t reach all the way in. I had that ‘A-ha’ moment this weekend. Taking a workshop with Bradford Keeney this weekend, on energy medicine, and it was eye-opening for me, and soul-touching.

And softening. That was what I needed to hear, and to do…this is a great beginning to my “me month”! Taking time to take care of me, to study, to rest, to go deeper, to lighten, and to soften.

OK, how does one soften? This is my  journey now.

Comments, let me hear!

IMG_2428

 

7 Responses to The Softening…

  1. Love this Paulette!
    I agree, we can wall ourselves off from our own hearts to “stay safe”. I love quiet time in my garden, “playing” with my plants & pets, cuddling with my love, creating gently. These all help my heart stay open and beat softly.

  2. Sweet Suzinn!, thank you…I am finding more time to walk my dogs, play my guitar, be with my many, and be in my garden… and put the pen to paper which really fuels me…

  3. As I clicked on your blog today, before I read it I thought “How does she do it, how does she stay above it all and carry on with such grace?” How refreshing to hear of your journey. So much of society teaches us to build a wall, to protect ourselves. And its good up to a point, but we do have to learn to take the wall down, brick by brick and be vulnerable again. Sometimes our strength becomes our weakness.
    Peace and Love on the journey,
    Dorian

  4. Thanks Dorian, nice to hear from you! and yes, vulnerability is a hard thing, especially when you are in the public eye so much…but I want to show that part of me too, as it makes me who I am. And we don’t need to have such a wall…so mine is going, brick by brick!

  5. Paulette, what a lovely post. It reminds me of that night in San Francisco when we watched all those TED talks. It struck me then that vulnerability was at the core of every one of those amazing people we listened to. After my recent work in the Congo with the beautiful women there, listening to their stories of the most profound heartbreak and violation possible (and also the greatest transcendence) I see more than EVER that a soft heart, a broken heart, a heart that lets in the pain is also the biggest heart, the most open heart, and the most loving. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey!

    • Thanks Hilary…yes, to be open, vulnerable, means scariness and possibilities, and living fully..thanks for being part of my journey! and me, yours…

  6. Amanda writes:
    I totally hear ya Paulette. Sometimes you need to fill up but let it fill from deep down. It’s ok to get get hurt because then you truly felt it and the high was higher. I don’t know. All in saying is I hear ya, I get it and good luck to you. I’m here now trying to figure it out.

Leave a reply

There is no custom code to display.