Towers Open Fire

Towers open fire

towers open fire

I’ve been sobbing a lot lately. And wow… it is so great…a release, a thing of beauty, of frustration, of heart bursting open, of love, of pain, and of wow.

There was a time not so long ago, that I had no tears. They would not come. They would not fall. No matter how I felt, with that crying feeling welling up deep inside, nothing, nada — you know that feeling?

 

The Tower card, from the amazing Wild Unknown tarot deck!

And they would not come. I had to hold on, I had to continue to push through, to persevere, to make shit happen, to survive. Yes, that sounds dramatic, and to me it was. And there was no time for tears or for feeling or allowing the heartache, the pain. Really, it was all about survival.

And I pushed through, and I survived. I knew I would, there was no question. I go after what I want and I get it. No freakin question.

Perseverance, envisioning, bring it on. Rebuilding. And I do believe that we have to go down to get back up, to fall, to break down, to release and let go of things that hurt us, hold us back, tie us down.

Like the tower card in the tarot. Break down, build back up. Change. To know what we have, and what we want. To feel gratitude for what we have–to take the time to really look at that. To dive in deep. And that gives us a sense of what is real in our lives, what matters, what we do, in fact, have, and also what is time to change.

I love change. If you have been with me for awhile, you know that about me! Some folks are petrified of change. It means moving, stepping it up, making something happen that wasn’t. Change is fabulous. To see the world in a new light. Life is grand and has so much to offer us if we desire. If we open ourselves up.

So now, I am open. I cry, I sob, with pain, but also with joy.

A friend unexpectedly died last week— pain, sadness, let go. A friend had to put their dog down—heart break, tenderness, release. I saw an amazing performance— awe struck, heart felt, open wide. A song with lyrics and tones so deep—tears of joy and awareness. Familiarity yet a new paradigm. So many views, so many visions.

And they all made me sob. A lovely release, a joyous feeling, a sadness in the moment, a change in life, an allowing of beauty and heart  and soul ripping open love. I relish it. I love that I can cry again. For beauty, for sadness, for frustration, for friendship, for great food, for pain, for love.

To be moved, to feel life in every pore, to take the time to notice and appreciate. That is a gift. And I give myself time for reflection is ultra important in my world.

Remember those bricks I’ve talk about, the ones around my heart… the veils are lifting, energy is flowing, healing is happening… ah the ecstasy of being free! Do you feel it? Do you allow it? What holds you back?

Let the tears flow, let the heart open, and gratitude be in abundance…break down the walls, burn down the house, feel the love, my friends. Revel in your beauty and your life!

<By the way, Towers open Fire was a name of one of my bands–Fade To Black– songs in the early 80’s-yep, bet you didn’t know that I was pre-goth, the death queen, in SF music world (grandmother of goth!) Need a EP? I got them! :)> Centerfold gal… there I am!

fade to black0002

Take your world, peeps, tear it down, build it up, make it yours! Feel the pain and sorrow and love and beauty all around you… wear it on your sleeve!

Have a great weekend…

and here is a link to a song that is rocking my world today…OMG…Darrell Scott was amazing in performance last night, and yes I sobbed through most of it!…from a master of his art!


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MOVEMENT, MOMENTUM, AND MAGIC– coaching with Paulette

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4 Responses to Towers Open Fire

  1. Thank you for sharing this Paulette – this post rocked my world too! It took a great deal of courage and strength for me to quit my job of 29 years. I have cried rivers of tears as I let go of the pain and sadness and bitterness that suffocated my heart like a ton of bricks. I fell, I broke down, and I let go. It feels so good to be free! Healing is happening and energy is flowing! I have given myself a great gift in allowing myself the opportunity to start over and allow beauty, happiness, love and joy into my heart and my life. Thanks again Paulette!

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